Mini Meltdown

So last night I had a mini melt down.

   It hasn't happened to me in a LONG time. I mean a really long time. So to fill you in on the story, I got pregnant when I was 17 in highschool. I wasn't ready to have a baby yet, and I decided around 8 months along that I wanted to place the baby for adoption. It was the best decision I could have made, and I have never regretted it. Not once. Brynley was born January 1 2007, and the parents I found are AMAZING! It was actually pretty random how it all happened. My mom had come out to Salt Lake to check out a few adoption places, and the first we went to was LDS services. Ugh, not a good experience. AT ALL. I felt like they were judging me for getting pregnant, and all they wanted was my baby. I was really upset about that, because I thought of all the places I could go that it would be the best. Anyway, after my mom and I left the LDS services we went to dinner with her dear friend Boni. Well, during lunch Boni mentioned how her daughter had a friend couple that had just found out that their invitro didn't work. I felt skeptical at first, but I asked Boni if she would have her daughter ask them to email me. Well, not too long later I got an email from them. The more I read the more I knew that they were the family for my little girl! They were just perfect, and adorable! I was so excited! They were LDS, young, and didn't have children yet. That was the exact family I wanted, plus they just looked vibrant in their photos. Anyway, I eventually met them, and I told them I wanted them to be the parents. From there it's history! When I went into labor I invited them to the hospital so that they could be there for the birth. I am really glad that they got to experience that, and I was the one who made it happen :)

Well, anyway they've been the most amazing people ever! I am so glad that I have been blessed with them in my life! They have been so open with me. They let me see her for her birthdays, and they even brought her to my wedding! I just can't say enough about them. Last night my husband and I were talking about Brynley, and about trying to stay in contact with them. I just melted. I kinda told them the last time I got to see her that I knew I wouldn't get to see her in person again. Partly, it was due to being afraid that they were going to be the first to say it. I felt like if I decided on not seeing them anymore, then it would make it easier. Well, Fuzzy asked me last night if I did want to see her, and I just started crying. Ofcourse I would love to see her! It's just starting to be more real to me what I am missing out on. Especially now that I know what it's like to raise a baby. There are so many little things I haven't been able to experience with her, and I don't want to intrude on their life just to find out. So anyway that is my story. I love Brynley! I love her parents too! Fuzzy made me feel alot better about it last night by saying "Well, even though you aren't raising her she is still getting all the experiences of growing up, just in a different way" He's totally right... She isn't missing out on anything! She's been able to have so much more because of my decision! I am not missing out either, because of what I chose to do I was able to meet my best friend! I was also able to have a baby in a stable relationship. We are able to take care of our child and not worry about living paycheck to paycheck. So I feel alot better :) Just haven't cried about Brynley for a very long time.

Here is one of the few pictures I have right at this moment of me and Brynley. It was at our wedding.